When Anger Leads the Way: The Cost of Being Driven by the Wrong Fuel

Anger is powerful.
Anger is loud.
Anger moves us fast.

And sometimes that speed feels like clarity. It feels like strength — like we’re finally doing something.

But when anger becomes our primary motivator, something inside us shifts quietly. Slowly. And eventually, painfully.

Anger can push us… but it can also push us into places we never intended to go.

Anger Is a Fire — But Fire Burns Both Ways

Anger has an energy that feels motivating. It pulls you out of complacency and demands change.

But fire doesn’t care what it destroys in the process.

When anger drives you more than love, it begins burning through things you actually need:

  • Your peace
  • Your patience
  • Your joy
  • Your compassion
  • Your clarity
  • Your ability to respond instead of react

In the moment, anger feels empowering.
Over time, it becomes exhaustion pretending to be strength.

When Anger Replaces Love, We Lose Ourselves

Love expands us.
Anger contracts us.

When we’re fueled by anger:

  • We react before we reflect
  • We fight before we listen
  • We defend before we understand
  • We push away the people we need
  • We get so focused on proving something that we forget what we wanted in the first place

Anger narrows your vision.
Love widens it.

A narrow vision makes every challenge look like an enemy — even the ones meant to grow you.

The Hidden Danger: When Anger Becomes an Identity

The real risk isn’t the feeling — it’s the identity formed around it.

When we begin operating from statements like:

“I’ll show them.”
“I don’t need anyone.”
“I’ll never trust again.”
“I’m done caring.”

We aren’t protecting ourselves —
we’re building emotional walls disguised as independence.

And life led from pain rarely leads to peace.

“Let anger signal you—but let love guide you.”

Love Moves Slower — But It Moves You Further

Anger is fast.
Love is steady.

And steady is what builds a life.

Love won’t push you harshly, but it will push you truthfully.
Love won’t rush you, but it will transform you.

Anger might get you out of a situation,
but love gets you into a better one.

Balance: Anger as a Signal, Love as the Guide

Anger should inform, not direct.

It can reveal boundaries, highlight wounds, and show you what must change.
But love shows you how to change it.

Let anger wake you up.
But let love decide where you’re going next.

Let anger start the conversation.
But let love finish it with wisdom.

Your Story Is Too Big to Be Fueled by Pain

Your life isn’t meant to be led by the wounds behind you, but by the vision ahead of you.

The world doesn’t need a harder version of you.
It needs a truer version of you.

A version led by:

  • Purpose
  • Compassion
  • Self-awareness
  • Joy
  • And most importantly… love

Because anger is the spark —
But love is the lasting light.

Love is the inspiration. After all what is an inspiration? You. Your Life. Your Story.

Let me know in the comments what inspirational topics or content you would like me to cover.

Fairy Tales Matter/The Anatomy of a Fairy Tale

Fairy tales aren’t just stories we heard before bedtime. They are blueprints for becoming. They teach us how to navigate the unknown, how to face the dark forest, how to listen to our intuition, and how to believe in something more powerful than fear. Fairy tales matter because they remind us who we can become when we choose courage over comfort.

But to understand why these stories still speak to us—long after childhood—we have to look at their anatomy. A fairy tale isn’t simply about magic, castles, or a mythical villain. It’s about the human journey, stripped down to its emotional core.

Below is the anatomy of a fairy tale and how each part reflects your own story—your life as its own heroic journey.

1. The Ordinary World: Where You Begin

Most fairy tales start with simplicity: a cottage, a village, a tiny kingdom. The hero or heroine is usually unaware of their power.
This is you before the challenge.
This is your “normal,” your comfort zone.

But life does not let us stay there forever.

2. The Disturbance: The Moment Everything Changes

A curse.
A disappearance.
A calling.
A door that wasn’t there yesterday.

In your life, this is the loss, the disruption, the opportunity, or the unexpected shift that pushes you out of the familiar. It’s the moment you didn’t ask for—but needed.

Fairy tales remind us: the disturbance is the doorway.

3. The Threshold: Crossing Into the Unknown

Heroes rarely want the journey. They hesitate. They doubt. But they go anyway.

This is your moment of decision—the second you choose to step forward even when your hands are shaking.
Every story changes the moment you say, “I’m ready.”

4. The Trials: Where You Are Shaped

In fairy tales, these look like enchanted forests, riddles, ogres, witches, and impossible tasks.

In life, they are setbacks, unexpected obstacles, self-doubt, and lessons disguised as delays.

But here’s the truth: trials don’t test you—they train you.
They reveal qualities you didn’t know you possessed: resilience, intuition, courage, endurance, clarity.

This is where your character is forged.

5. The Helpers: Allies on the Journey

A talking animal.
A fairy godmother.
A mysterious stranger.
A friend who shows up at the perfect moment.

Your helpers are the mentors, friends, partners, and even brief encounters that shift your path. Inspiration often arrives through others—sometimes in whispers, sometimes in lightning bolts.

The lesson? You were never meant to do this alone.

6. The Transformation: Becoming Who You Were Meant to Be

Every fairy tale reaches a point where the hero steps into their true power.
It is never about changing into someone else—it’s about returning to who they really are.

Your transformation may look like healing old wounds, setting boundaries, pursuing a dream, stepping into leadership, or reclaiming your voice.

Transformation isn’t magic.
It’s the moment your inner world changes—and your outer world responds.

7. The Return: Bringing the Treasure Home

The hero returns not to be celebrated, but to contribute—to share what they learned, who they became, what they discovered.

In your life, this is the moment you model strength for others, pour into your community, or inspire someone who is earlier in their journey.

Your story becomes someone else’s lantern.

Why Fairy Tales Still Matter

Because they remind us that:

✨ Every life has a dragon to face.
✨ Every person has hidden magic.
✨ Every challenge is a call to become more.
✨ Every journey shapes you into a hero of your own story.

Fairy tales are not fantasies—they are metaphors for the real, raw, transformative experiences we live every day.

Your life is a fairy tale.
Your story matters because you matter.
And someone, somewhere, needs the wisdom you’re gathering right now.

So keep going.
Keep growing.
Keep turning the page.

Because what is inspiration?
You. Your life. Your story.

Choosing Growth Over Control: Embracing the Journey After Missing a Goal

Recently, I was up for an opportunity that I had set as a major goal, and I didn’t get it. I think many of us have been there: setting a goal with high hopes, pouring our energy into achieving it, only to fall short. It was disheartening, and the sting of the failure was overwhelming. I was angry. I was frustrated. Ultimately, I was hurt! My feelings were all over the place and confided in a close friend and mentor.  He asked a simple question and made a simple statement. Do you choose control or do you choose growth?  You can’t have both! What if we could shift our focus from the disappointment of not achieving a goal to the opportunity for growth that lies within it? By choosing growth over control, we can transform setbacks into steppingstones and setbacks into new beginnings.

The Allure of Control

It’s natural to crave control.  We all set goals to achieve a sense of order and accomplishment. Control feels comforting because it implies predictability and success. When we don’t reach our goals, it can feel like our world has unraveled. We might question our abilities, wonder where we went wrong, or even feel like giving up. This reaction stems from our desire to control outcomes and avoid failure.

The Power of Growth

Growth, on the other hand, is about embracing the journey. It’s about learning from our experiences, no matter how they turn out. When we shift our focus from control to growth, we begin to see failures not as endpoints but as valuable lessons. Here’s how to make that shift:

  1. Reflect Without Judgement: Take a moment to analyze what happened without self-criticism. What were the factors that contributed to the outcome? What can you learn from this experience? This reflection isn’t about blaming yourself but understanding the variables at play.
  2. Adjust Your Approach: Use what you’ve learned to refine your strategy. Maybe your goal was too ambitious, or perhaps there were external factors you hadn’t considered. Adjusting your approach doesn’t mean giving up; it means evolving.
  3. Celebrate the Small Wins: Even if you didn’t achieve your ultimate goal, recognize and celebrate the progress you made. Small victories are milestones in their own right and indicate that you’re moving forward.
  4. Cultivate Resilience: Embracing growth fosters resilience. Each setback you encounter becomes a lesson in perseverance. With each challenge, you build the mental and emotional strength needed to tackle future goals.
  5. Seek Feedback and Support: Sometimes, an outside perspective can offer invaluable insights. Reach out to mentors, colleagues, or friends for feedback. They can provide guidance and encouragement that can help you see the bigger picture.
  6. Focus on the Process, Not Just the Outcome: Rather than fixating solely on the end result, find joy in the process of working towards your goals. Embrace the skills you’re developing and the experiences you’re gaining along the way.
  7. Redefine Success: Understand that success isn’t just about achieving a specific goal. It’s also about personal growth, learning, and resilience. Redefining what success means to you can help shift your focus from control to continuous improvement.

Embracing a Growth Mindset

Choosing growth over control is about adopting a growth mindset. Carol Dweck, psychologist and author of Mindset: The New Psychology of Success, describes this mindset as the belief that abilities and intelligence can be developed through dedication and hard work. By embracing this mindset, you’ll approach challenges with curiosity and optimism, rather than fear and frustration.

In conclusion, missing a goal is not a failure but a chance to grow. By focusing on what you can learn from the experience, adjusting your approach, and celebrating your progress, you turn setbacks into opportunities. Embrace the journey, cultivate resilience, and redefine success in a way that honors your efforts and potential. Remember, growth often comes from the most unexpected places, and your journey is far from over.

Live by the compass, not by the clock.

So much has happened between my last post and now.  Both of my parents had some significant health challenges.  My mom had a stroke and a week later my dad passed away.  For someone like me who prides themselves on being strong, poised, and able to handle difficult situations, this felt like an out of body experience.  No number of past experiences can prepare you for the emotional roller coaster of losing a loved one and/or seeing a loved one in a compromised health situation that you cannot do anything to help.  I felt helpless and left to meander through my own thoughts of should’ve, would’ve, could’ve. Fortunately, my mom is on the road to recover but, the questions still burned my mind.   Did I spend enough time? Did I make enough time? Why this time? What times will they miss? When would have been the right time?  The answers to these questions are just a sobering reminder that we all know…. We cannot control time.  

Our lives, however, have been conditioned to celebrate using time milestones. Birthdays, anniversaries, reunions, time on our jobs, etc.  Routinely, when checking my social media accounts, I check to see whose birthday it is so that can send them a “HBD” post. Facebook even commemorates how long you’ve been “Facebook friends” with someone. My dad was 78 when he passed away. I had him for 48 years of my life and somehow that still didn’t feel like enough time.  Time by itself is an inaccurate measure of your life because it lacks context. A clock is objective.  It tells you the current time, how much time has elapsed, and sometimes how much time you have left.  No matter how you turn or move, the clock says the same thing. A clock cannot tell you what you’ve done with or during that time.  What are you doing with the time you have?

A compass is a device that determines direction utilizing a magnetic needle or group of needles turning freely on a pivot and pointing towards the magnetic north.  The magnetic north can also be referred to as “True North.”  In our lives, the pursuit of our true purpose is our ultimate “True North.” As we step through life there is something inspirational about people who discover their purpose and walk in it.  Their steps are intentional, meaningful, and impactful especially in their relationships. It doesn’t matter how many steps they’ve taken or how big the steps are, it’s the fact that the steps are heading towards their purpose (True North).  What direction are you heading? 

When I think about my dad, my first thought is to wish for more time but, I instantly regret that thought.  I regret it because I know that reality says that I don’t control the clock. My next thoughts are to the many memories we shared and the feeling that in those moments we were heading in the same direction.  It wasn’t so much about how much time but, just that we made the most of our time.  

My dad called me as I was driving back home from a trip.  He knew I would be passing through and asked if I could stop by to help him with an emergency project.  He described to me that a portion of his ceiling had a hole in it, and you could see all the way to the rafters in the roof. I had a 10-hour drive ahead of me and my time was tight.  I sighed because I was rushing and trying to get back to 800 hundred things I needed to do at home.  When I walked in his house my mouth dropped.  Somehow the entire ceiling in his living room had completely caved in.  What I thought was going to be a 30-minute patch job turned into a 3-hour temporary tarp job until his insurance adjuster could come.  It turned into one of my most memorable times with my dad.  I laugh now thinking about it.  Live by the compass, not by the clock!

Are you operating in your Superpower?

Growing up in the 70’s and 80’s, Saturday morning rituals were everything. After waking up, I needed to have everything on my checklist.

  • Favorite pajamas, Check!
  • Favorite cereal (Fruit Loops no debate), Check!
  • TV all to myself, Check!
  • Favorite cartoon, Check!

My favorite cartoon of all time was the Super Friends! Superman, Batman, Wonder Women, Aquaman, and all their friends would come together to save the day against a common enemy.  Each character had a power that was unique to them. Superman had incredible strength. Batman had exceptional strategic ability and his utility belt. Wonder woman had amazing strength, her lasso, and her indestructible bracelets.   Aquaman had the ability to breathe underwater and communicate with any creature in the sea. In the plot, the villain would always put our heroes in precarious situations by separating them from their powers.  Only when they were able to tap back into their individual superpowers were they able to come together to overcome the situation and defeat the villain. When I reflect on this cartoon and my life experience with people, a big takeaway becomes evident.  Everyone has superpowers, a talent or set of talents that makes them unique.  But who would have thought that this cartoon would challenge the way we should think about how we live an inspired life?  Do we know what our superpowers are?  What keeps us from using our superpowers?  What’s the benefit to you and others when you operate in your Superpower?

A good friend of mine from the House of Shine (https://www.houseofshine.com), Claudia Beeny, describes a superpower as the intersection between your talent (Strengths), your interests, and your needs. In a diagram, it looks like this.

I’ll use myself as an example. My talent, so I’ve been told, is my ability to communicate with others. I have always been able to use words (spoken or written) to influence others. My interests are centered around being an inspiration and helping others realize their true potential. My need is key. The need here is not something I personally need but the thing that breaks my heart and compels a “Need” to act in me. I am disheartened when others don’t have a deeper perspective of life and therefore can’t see their own potential. Put all those things together and you get this blog, “What is an inspiration?” Writing this blog is one way for me to operate in my Superpower.

You might already know your superpower, but something has been keeping you from using it. Or you may be using it but, not in a way that is fulfilling to you and others. Often its real life that keeps us away from it. Kids, jobs, parents, bills, stress, or simple being tired from it all. Despite the obstacles, it is vital that you get back to your superpower. The villains in the Super Friends cartoons deserve credit because they figured something out that we all glanced over. When you keep a superhero from using their superpower, you separate them from their energy source. Your superpower was uniquely gifted to you by God. And when you operate in your superpower, you are operating in a space that God has divinely created for you. That is your connection to your energy source. Be intentional about your time. Plan and reflect. Plan time to operate in your superpower and reflect on how fruitful that time has been.

The energy created within is a definite personal benefit from operating in your superpower. But I think there is an ultimate takeaway from the cartoon I loved so much as a kid. When we all access our unique strengths and come together, there is nothing that we cannot do collectively. Although mighty in each of their own right, it took the collective power of all the superheroes to enact change. This world is predicated on you accessing your most benevolent self and connecting it to others. By doing so you unlock the best that this life has to offer. You get to witness other people utilizing their superpower in a way that stretches you and forces you to test the boundaries of your power! That is inspiration! And after all, what is an inspiration? It’s you. It’s your life. It’s your story!

The Power of Reflection

Picture this! A mother and her son are both getting ready for school in the morning. She’s a teacher, he’s a high school student. They are both heavily engrossed in their morning routines. The mother calls for him to get his lunch money, the usual $1.25; however, this day, it was different. Instead of the usual 1-dollar bill and various arrangements of coins, she hands him a knotted-up handkerchief with 125 pennies. The son embarrassed but not wanting to seem ungrateful takes the handkerchief already having made up his mind that he will not eat that day. He will not take the risk of enduring the looks and comments from his classmates. So…he doesn’t eat that day, but he also makes a decision that will be a driving force for the rest of his life! He will work hard, for as long as he can, to be sure that his family and future family will always have everything they need in life. That son was ME. Today, January 23, 2023, is my 48th birthday. I often reflect on that memory and many more. Those memories give me insight into myself. They drive me. They motivate me. They inspire me. These random and sometimes purposeful opportunities of reflection allow me to identify relevant and repeated themes in my life.  As a result, I’m able to create my own personal blueprint of success. This is what makes reflections so powerful.

As you mature, the power of reflection allows you to develop different perspectives.  As a young man I thought only of this moment as a personal motivator and driver for my success.  It was not until I had my own kids that I reflected on how my mom must have felt in that moment.  How did she feel about having to give me 125 pennies?  How did she feel about having to scrape together money so that I could eat?  And my biggest AHA!  If she was giving me 125 pennies, that must have meant she was either doing the same for herself or worse, she was going without so that I could. The sacrifice, the selflessness, the inspiration. I love my mom and this insight deepened that love.  It made me realize how strong she was.  I constantly challenge myself to demonstrate the same strength and care for the people in my life that same way.  The power of reflection cannot only develop your perspective but elevate it!

Life comes at us fast.  Carpools, zoom meetings, kid’s sports, bills, tv shows. They all compete for our time. In our efforts to balance it all, time for reflection often gets overlooked or pushed to a special day.  We reserve birthdays, weddings, and sadly funerals to seriously reflect on the things that have materially affected our lives.  My challenge to you is to take time daily to reflect.  While reflecting over your life will help you create a blueprint of success for your life.  Reflecting daily will allow you to refine that blueprint to help you gain insights and be successful in the season your life is currently in.  We all need inspiration. And after all, what is an inspiration?  It’s You. It’s Your Life. It’s Your Story.

There is a lot you can do in a day!

In Time is a 2011 movie that stars Justin Timberlake and Amanda Seyfried.  In the year 2169, people are designed to stop aging on their 25th birthday, when a one-year countdown on their forearm begins. When it reaches zero, the person “times out” and dies instantly. Time has thus become the universal currency. What if you only had a year remaining on your life and you knew it?  What would you do? How would you think about time? Would the lack of time be a constraint or an opportunity?

There is a scene in the movie where both characters come out to a nighttime view of the ocean.  If you’ve ever seen the ocean at night, the vastness, the darkness, the waves, the currents can all be intimidating.  One character sees the beauty, the other sees the danger.  One character has a set amount of time left, the other has an infinite amount of time. Justin Timberlake’s character sees the opportunity to take a chance and jumps in.  Not only does he jump in but, he convinces Amanda’s character to do the same, despite her reservations. The result is that they experience this amazing moment of connection that keeps them bonded for the rest of the movie.  

Time in real life is elusive.  We never know how much we have.  We assume we have more of it and often pass on life changing moments because, of course we can do it later. The absence of time creates a sense of urgency and passion that motivates us to act. Our ability to influence and inspire is enhanced. Time constraints make you think faster, prepare better, react quicker because you are now anticipating the next moment.

 I’ve changed my approach!  Every morning I wake up, I put 24 hours on my imaginary clock.  Even that short amount of time is at best, a guess and I can hear God laugh.  But I ask myself, “How do I intentionally live out these next 24 hours that allows me to maximize every potential moment to influence and inspire?” 

Life is simply a series of moments strung together by time.  It’s up to us to create as many moments as we can with the unknown prescription of time God has given us.  Start with today! Listen more, hug tighter, love Harder!  Take that chance!  There is a lot you can do in a day!

What is an Inspiration?

What does a middle school talent show have to do with inspiration?  I’ll get to that in a moment but first, let me thank you for checking out my site; What is an Inspiration?   My name is Jarvis, and this is my first official blog post.  I’m a 40-something entrepreneur who looked around one day and said, I am still curious about myself and others.  What makes people tick?  What makes a person who they are?  What pushes each of us to achieve despite the obstacles?  What inspires us?  What is an Inspiration? 

Today, while attending my daughter’s middle school talent show, I saw something that connected me more to the purpose of this blog. I get to the venue early and all around me is excitement.  Parents, grandparents, and teachers are hopeful that the hard work they have witnessed turns into magical performances.  Participants practicing last notes, reciting words, and breathing deeply to control their nerves.  Not only are they performing in front of their eager parents, but also their middle school classmates.  I can only imagine the nerves and perhaps even some fears. 

Each participant swallowed hard and garnered the courage to get on stage.  One by one, I saw them capture the hearts and the imaginations of the crowd. The way that each did it was different.  Some did it through their energy on the stage, a few did it through their song selections, and others through the sheer volume of their talent.  But it got me thinking about how people get inspired. This talent show had elements that everyone could connect with.  Overcoming obstacles, amazing talent, electric smiles, & immense passion.  As I looked around, I saw the crowds’ eyes staring intently absorbing every nugget of goodness, anxious to return their appreciation in applause.  That’s what this site is about.

What is an Inspiration?   It’s anything. It is everything. It’s you. Your life. Your story. Accept my invitation to come alongside me on this lifelong journey as I discover what inspires me and others.  Along the way, I’m hoping this will spark something in you that you will not only act on, but share! So just like at this talent show, everyone wins!!!